Tony's Food 101: Asparagus is in Season

That's right, everyone's favorite tender, spear shaped veggie is back on the markets again.

It seems like a paradox to me how vegetables can be unhealthy, but the recent bacon craze is aparently trying to bring asparagus down too. Restaurants across the U.S. will be wrapping asparagus spears in all sorts of cured pork products, making them more like cholesterol rockets aimed right at your arteries. I'm not saying that it's not a brilliant combination, as far as taste goes, I'm just proposing a healthier, markedly lighter alternative for this veggie. Bacon wrapped asparagus just reminds me too much of Paula Deen ruining ears of corn (As a physician, I'm always puzzled as to how her heart is still beating. This is the woman who made a hamburger and used krispy kreme donuts as buns).

Likewise, a slightly more healthy way to cook this spring favorite is grilling, which is also delicious, but cannot get around the universal 120-calories-per-tablespoon-of-oil necessary to keep them from turning into carbon tubes over those charcoals. It's waaaaay better for you then wrapping them in prosciutto, but those of us still trying to shed some winter weight may want an alternative.

Enter steamed asparagus. I know, I know: Just like a doctor to tell you to steam vegetables and take away everyone's fun. These are different, and they use a little trick I figured out to add extra flavor without altering the nutritional value of the asparagus: Lemon Steaming. And, I am a cook too... this recipe needs a little salt added.

Lemon Steamed Asparagus

• One bunch of asparagus. Take your pick whether you get the pencil thin or big fat ones, just know it will affect your cooking time. Wider asparagus = longer cooking. Wash them, then snap them about two thirds from the head. This gets rid of the woody, impossible to actually eat stems. If you just bend the asparagus in this region, it will naturally snap where the stem gets too tough.


• One lemon, sliced into disks.


• Black pepper and salt to taste.

Pre-heat your oven to Bake 350. Line the bottom of a glass 8x8 or 9x9 square dish with lemon slices. Arrange the asparagus in as close to a single layer over the lemons as possible. Season with salt and pepper. Cover the whole thing tightly with tin foil, and put in the oven. Leave in for about 20-25 minutes if you like your aspargus crisp, or 30-35 minutes if you like it "well done." You should be able to smell the asparagus and lemons around your oven. Discard the lemons and eat.

So. You're done with dinner. A commercial comes on during your favorite show. You trot over to the bathroom, unzip and let g.... wait a minute? What the heck is that smell?

Congratulations. You've discovered the downside to eating asparagus, and you're also sort of genetically special. Sort of. There are two different genes floating around in your cells: one to excrete an unidentified compound from asparagus into your urine, and another to be able to detect the smell. So you're in a group of 20-40% of people with this combination. It won't get you into the X-Men or Heroes, but hey, it's something.

Be back next week with some Reconstructionist cuisine... yes I am that nerdy. Sorry about the lack of real pictures, my digital camera bit the proverbial dust. I'll try to con my girlfriend into letting me borrow her's.